Introducing The Onion News Network's 'Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle!'

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Vol 47 Issue 12

The TuckScreen: Historical Documents Show Dream's Decline

People began to give up on the American Dream almost from the time it was created. Below, a letter from a riverboat porter written in 1901 shows some of the earliest written documentation of an American saying, "Fuck it, what's the point?" The ...

Message From The Mayor

A special message from Mayor Sue Hallinan: "Just wanted to let folks know that there's going to be a whole bunch of commotion down at Tuffy's this evening as several members of the national press will be in town. In case you haven't heard, our boy T...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Introducing The Onion News Network's 'Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle!'

Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! is a fast-paced news and current affairs program devoted to bringing you the latest need-to-know information about awesome motorcycles. With the recent announcement that the new American Dream will be to own a tricked out motorcycle, there has never been a more vital need for motorcycle-based news programming. Anchored by four-time Easyriders magazine cover girl Ashlee Desiree, Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! will feature interviews with today's foremost motorcycle experts, tips for attaining a better motorcycle, and a solid hour of footage of sweet motorcycles either being ridden or turning on pedestals. Shredding guitar riffs and women chanting "Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle!" will also feature prominently in Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Watching is your best way to achieve your perfect bike.

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