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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! is a fast-paced news and current affairs program devoted to bringing you the latest need-to-know information about awesome motorcycles. With the recent announcement that the new American Dream will be to own a tricked out motorcycle, there has never been a more vital need for motorcycle-based news programming. Anchored by four-time Easyriders magazine cover girl Ashlee Desiree, Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! will feature interviews with today's foremost motorcycle experts, tips for attaining a better motorcycle, and a solid hour of footage of sweet motorcycles either being ridden or turning on pedestals. Shredding guitar riffs and women chanting "Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle!" will also feature prominently in Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Watching is your best way to achieve your perfect bike.

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