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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Investigators: Increasingly Likely That James Harrison Bit Own Son

FRANKLIN PARK, PA—Police detectives investigating an alleged dog-bite injury to James Harrison III, the son of Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison, said that recent evidence suggests the linebacker became agitated by the toddler's crying last Wednesday and bit the child himself. "After carefully piecing together testimony from people at the scene, we believe witnesses were trying to protect Mr. Harrison, who after all is a creature of instinct and may not be responsible for his actions," Officer Mark Bendiger told reporters. "If that turns out to be the case, the legal liability will actually rest with Harrison's handlers. Linebackers can be an aggressive breed, and we've seen plenty of examples of how poorly trained and badly socialized James is in particular." James III is almost completely recovered and has been released from Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, while his father has been quarantined at Animal, Linebacker, and Wide Receiver Control of McKees Rocks, PA.

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