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Ira Glass Tries To Explain 'This American Life' At High School Reunion

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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Ira Glass Tries To Explain 'This American Life' At High School Reunion

BALTIMORE—According to sources at Milford Mill High School's 30-year reunion, alumnus Ira Glass spent most of Saturday's event laboring to explain his public radio program, This American Life, to former classmates. "I'm still not completely sure, but I think he has some sort of call-in show," said Glass' sophomore biology lab partner Shannon Fortin, who reported that Glass just sighed when asked if he could say Fortin's name on the air during his next broadcast. "Sounds like he almost caught a break with some TV show, but I guess they canceled it. Poor guy." After Glass left the reunion early, a number of sympathetic attendees took up a collection for their old acquaintance, as Glass had mentioned that he relied almost entirely on donations.

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