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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Ira Glass Tries To Explain 'This American Life' At High School Reunion

BALTIMORE—According to sources at Milford Mill High School's 30-year reunion, alumnus Ira Glass spent most of Saturday's event laboring to explain his public radio program, This American Life, to former classmates. "I'm still not completely sure, but I think he has some sort of call-in show," said Glass' sophomore biology lab partner Shannon Fortin, who reported that Glass just sighed when asked if he could say Fortin's name on the air during his next broadcast. "Sounds like he almost caught a break with some TV show, but I guess they canceled it. Poor guy." After Glass left the reunion early, a number of sympathetic attendees took up a collection for their old acquaintance, as Glass had mentioned that he relied almost entirely on donations.

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