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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Iran Ready To Talk About How Awesome Nuclear Program Is

TEHRAN—As international tension builds over Iran's decision to continue refining and enriching uranium, Foreign Ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi announced Monday that the nation was "willing to enter open bilateral talks" to discuss how absolutely great it is that the country will soon have a functioning nuclear program. "Iran wishes to bring the world's diplomats to the table so that we may jump up on it and shout about how truly glorious it is to have this incredible power," Asefi wrote in a open letter inviting more than 100 heads to nuclear-proliferation-celebration talks in Tehran this September. Asefi acknowledged that Iran now has a responsibility to "come clean about how much we love our new nukes," and said he looked forward to comparing armaments with other countries, especially Israel.

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