Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven

In This Section

Vol 37 Issue 05

Movie Deemed Acceptable For Mom And Dad

LOCK HAVEN, PA–Looking for a video to watch with his parents during a weekend visit, 28-year-old Steve Berg rented Small Time Crooks Sunday. "This seems good–no sex or violence," said Berg, studying the back of the box. "I could get Analyze This, but there's an outside chance it has some bad language." While home last Thanksgiving, Berg squirmed through Double Jeopardy with his mother, unaware that it contained brief nudity.

Star Wars Gamer Magazine Boldly Claims To Be The Leading Magazine For Star Wars Gamers

NICASIO, CA–The debut issue of Star Wars Gamer, which hit newsstands Monday, audaciously boasts that the magazine is "the world's leading publication for Star Wars gaming fans." "Whether you're looking to take your character on an adventure on Yavin IV, soup up your B-wing fighter, or paint an army of Stormtrooper miniatures, Star Wars Gamer is the only Star Wars gaming source you'll ever need," the issue brashly proclaims. Said Chad Burnley, an Athens, GA, Star Wars gamer: "They are certainly going out on a limb to make this claim. If a second Star Wars gaming magazine were ever to be published, they'd have to work really hard to maintain their number-one status."

Jerry Lewis Undergoes Emergency Gefloigel Surgery

LOS ANGELES–Less than an hour after doctors discovered that the gland had become all screwy with the infections, legendary comedian Jerry Lewis underwent emergency surgery to remove his gefloigel Monday. "We had to go in through Mr. Lewis' schlaphlecky system, bypassing the oy-hayvel," said Dr. Jacob Weisz, Nice Mister Chief of Surgery at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. "But in the end, we were able to get him all being better and healthy, you know." Doctors have prescribed Lewis several weeks of bedrest, with the sleeping and the flowers and the nice music and hrrrrrn.

The Cruise-Kidman Divorce

After 10 years of marriage, Hollywood power couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their divorce on Feb. 5. What were the reasons for the split on each side?

Fashion Victim

A few days ago, if you'd asked me what "nepotism" meant, I would have guessed it was some sort of eye disorder. But boy, oh, boy, Jeanketeers, since then I've learned what the word really means! (The hard way!)

My Collection Of Cassingles Is Second To None

In the realm of the true musical aesthete, there are some who rise above the madding crowd. At the risk of seeming immodest, I must confess that I am a member of this elite upper strata. I have put my love of music before all else in my life, and I feel supremely confident in asserting that my collection of cassingles is second to none.

Clinton And The Fugitive Financier

Congress is investigating Bill Clinton's pardon of Marc Rich, a major Democratic Party contributor who since 1983 has been living in Switzerland to avoid trial for racketeering, tax evasion, and trading with Iran. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA–Watch out, ladies: Irrepressible bad boy Jordan Jeffries, that hard-partying Hollywood hunk who's on everybody's A-list, is at it again.

Jordan Jeffries flashes his killer smile.

Paroled Jan. 19 after spending six months in Los Angeles County Jail for cocaine and gun possession, the club-hopping cut-up and legendary lothario was once again in hot water Saturday after gunning down seven bystanders at the red-hot L.A. nightspot Skybar, dispatching his victims "mercilessly and at point-blank range," according to police reports.

Witnesses said the sexy and oh-so-single Jeffries–best known for his role as daredevil test pilot Johnny Spade in the blockbuster G-Force movies–committed the murders "for no apparent reason," mowing down his terrified prey "with cold-blooded precision, deaf to their desperate pleas for mercy." Ouch!

Jeffries, 29, who has been romantically linked to everyone from Charlize Theron to James King to Amanda Peet, has slayed plenty of women with his drop-dead-gorgeous looks. But with five males among his seven victims, this notorious ladykiller seems to be a mankiller, too.

"He has all the markings of a sociopathic psychotic, showing no remorse for this brutal mass slaying," said LAPD profiler Dr. Leila Briedel-White, who conducted a psychological examination of the homicidal heartthrob following his arrest. "What he did is beyond the capacity of a normal human being."

"That certainly sounds like the Jordan Jeffries millions of viewers loved to hate as the duplicitous ladies' man Gregg Grant on To Have And To Hold," said Soap Opera Digest editor Ellen Bright. "But unlike the character he played on THATH, Jordan isn't just breaking hearts–he's firing .38-caliber slugs into them, as well."

The scene of a 1997 double homicide many believe was committed by the notorious bad boy.

The arrest marks the latest in a string of brushes with the law for Jeffries, dubbed "The Multiple-Convicted Felon Who Cannot Be Tamed" by Us magazine in its May 2000 cover profile. Past charges range from misdemeanor reckless endangerment and disturbing the peace to such A-list crimes as felonious assault, vehicular manslaughter, and transporting a minor across state lines for immoral purposes.

In 1997, the free-spirited Jeffries was nearly extradited to France for his involvement in a Paris hotel fire that left four dead, but his lawyers managed to get him off with a $50,000 fine. This time, LAPD authorities say, if he's convicted of the shootings, the hot-blooded actor and part-time bassist for the band Rocketdog will face stiffer penalties, including seven consecutive life sentences and/or up to 40 hours of community service.

Lew Adelman, Jeffries' longtime manager, remains optimistic. "Jordan is a sensitive, deeply fragile creative talent, and he's had his share of hard times," Adelman told Daily Variety. "Yes, he's a troubled soul, but we're confident that if we can sufficiently prove psychological instability, an insanity verdict can be reached in time for him to complete shooting on G-Force IV: Maximum Thrust. If the trial goes well, his six-week guest spot on ABC's Whizzer & McDeal should also be unaffected."

Lawyers for the talented but troubled actor expressed confidence that they can have the multiple homicide charges reduced to a lesser offense, provided the recidivist romeo–recently spotted at the ultra-hip Hollywood S&M dungeon and sex club Der Vault with his bodyguard and two unnamed models in tow–agrees to drug and alcohol rehabilitation and psychological counseling.

Will Jeffries curb his notoriously wild ways? Don't count on it. As he was led away by police after a 45-minute armed standoff, the ever-quotable Casanova told reporters: "I killed them all! And I'll do it again! Do you hear me? I'll keep on rampaging like an unstoppable murder machine until I breathe my last breath on this accursed Earth!"

Even if found not guilty, Jeffries' has more legal hurdles to clear: He still has two other trials pending, one stemming from a much-publicized fistfight with a transvestite prostitute in a Burbank alleyway in May 1999, and the other for allegedly assaulting a photographer after a night of drug-fueled partying with rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard and teen socialite Nicky Hilton at music mogul David Geffen's Aspen bungalow. He also faces a $23 million civil suit stemming from a March 2000 incident in which he allegedly kidnapped, tortured, and sodomized three Santa Monica teens.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More