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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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IRS Can't Believe Area Man Didn't Get A Raise Last Year

WASHINGTON—IRS agents looking over Akron, OH resident Steven Eutsey's tax return Wednesday told reporters they were stunned he did not receive a raise during fiscal year 2010. "Four years of busting his ass in sales and not even a cost-of-living increase?" said IRS agent Trevor Khan, adding that things must be doubly tough for Eutsey now that he is claiming a child as a dependent. "Steven really needs to talk to Mitch in H.R. and make them understand just how valuable he is to the company. There's no reason he should be making less than Adam [Zelevsky], who's only been there half as long and, between you and me, files late every year." Khan later told reporters that the fact that Eutsey is struggling financially will make it even harder for the IRS to conduct its upcoming audit on him.

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