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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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IRS Can't Believe Area Man Didn't Get A Raise Last Year

WASHINGTON—IRS agents looking over Akron, OH resident Steven Eutsey's tax return Wednesday told reporters they were stunned he did not receive a raise during fiscal year 2010. "Four years of busting his ass in sales and not even a cost-of-living increase?" said IRS agent Trevor Khan, adding that things must be doubly tough for Eutsey now that he is claiming a child as a dependent. "Steven really needs to talk to Mitch in H.R. and make them understand just how valuable he is to the company. There's no reason he should be making less than Adam [Zelevsky], who's only been there half as long and, between you and me, files late every year." Khan later told reporters that the fact that Eutsey is struggling financially will make it even harder for the IRS to conduct its upcoming audit on him.

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