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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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IRS Now Requiring Taxpayers To Tip

WASHINGTON, DC—Internal Revenue Service officials pushed legislation through Congress Monday requiring all taxpayers to add a gratuity of "no less than 12 percent" to 1997 income-tax payments. "We work hard," IRS director Hiram Stockton said, "and, apparently, many taxpayers don't realize that IRS agents rely on tips to make ends meet." The new era of mandatory tipping is expected to be a boon for IRS agents, many of whom say they could not subsist on the voluntary, often-meager tips of the past. "We process forms in a timely fashion, send out refunds promptly, and always stop by each taxpayer's home to ask, 'Is everything all right here? Can I get you anything else?' as often as we can during the tax-filing season," IRS processing agent XJRC-1582H-GY3-5 said. Families with eight or more dependents will have a 20 percent gratuity automatically added to their tax bill. Failure to tip will result in a $50,000 fine and/or up to 15 years in federal prison.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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