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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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IRS Now Requiring Taxpayers To Tip

WASHINGTON, DC—Internal Revenue Service officials pushed legislation through Congress Monday requiring all taxpayers to add a gratuity of "no less than 12 percent" to 1997 income-tax payments. "We work hard," IRS director Hiram Stockton said, "and, apparently, many taxpayers don't realize that IRS agents rely on tips to make ends meet." The new era of mandatory tipping is expected to be a boon for IRS agents, many of whom say they could not subsist on the voluntary, often-meager tips of the past. "We process forms in a timely fashion, send out refunds promptly, and always stop by each taxpayer's home to ask, 'Is everything all right here? Can I get you anything else?' as often as we can during the tax-filing season," IRS processing agent XJRC-1582H-GY3-5 said. Families with eight or more dependents will have a 20 percent gratuity automatically added to their tax bill. Failure to tip will result in a $50,000 fine and/or up to 15 years in federal prison.

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