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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Isiah Thomas Asks Mike Brown If He Could Coach One Game Of Finals

CLEVELAND—New York Knicks coach and president of basketball operations Isiah Thomas, distraught over his team's failure to make the playoffs and desperate to show that he could be a successful leader in the postseason, approached Cavaliers head coach Mike Brown Monday concerning the possibility of coaching at least one Finals game. "Tell you what—if you win the first two games, how about letting me do the third?" Thomas asked a mostly silent Brown during the 45-minute conference call. "C'mon, what could it hurt? At least let me coach Game 4. Half of Game 4. I could do great things with those guards you got." Although the call concluded without Thomas or Brown coming to an agreement, Brown admitted he was surprised that Thomas also fully expected to act as the Cavaliers' president of basketball operations for the duration of the deal.

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