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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Israel Intercepts Massive Palestinian Rock Shipment

NABLUS, GAZA STRIP (AP)—Israeli troops patrolling the border of the Gaza Strip breathed a sigh of relief Monday as state-of-the-art Israeli customs-searching equipment intercepted a large shipment of rocks bound for Palestinian youth demonstrators.

Israeli soldiers guard crates of intercepted Soviet rocks bound for Palestinian youth demonstrators. The weapons are valued at 800 million dinar, or about $6.

It is believed that the shipment came from a rogue Soviet republic willing to sell rocks to the highest bidder on the international arms market.

The value of the shipment—250 crates filled with rocks, pebbles and gravel—is estimated in the neighborhood of 800 million dinar (about $6).

The rocks, mostly small, one-hand throwing rocks, were concealed in large crates of medical supplies being sent to PLO camps near the Israel-Jordan border.

Israeli officials vowed to track down the supplier of the weapons. "Whatever secret underground rock smugglers have been outfitting the Palestinians, we will find them," Israeli Defense Minister Avi Birkot said. "Rocks like these could really hurt someone."

According to munitions expert James Wolk, if thrown with enough force and accuracy, the seized rocks "could create permanent scuff marks in an Israeli tank, and possibly even make a small dent."

"The world is still a very dangerous place," Secretary of State Warren Christopher said in an offical U.S. statement.

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