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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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It Not Clear If It Okay To Pass Handicapped Woman On Sidewalk

BOSTON—After nearly a minute of being stuck behind a slow-moving disabled woman on the sidewalk Monday, it reportedly remained unclear to 32-year-old sales manager Alex Tremont whether it would be acceptable for him to pass her or not. “Jeez, what exactly am I supposed to do here?” Tremont reportedly said to himself, mentally noting that if he briskly slipped by the slow-moving woman he might make her self-conscious of her impairment, and that if he bumped into her while trying to squeeze past he would feel “just terrible.” “I suppose I could cross the street, get a block or so ahead, and then cross back, but how offensive would that be if she notices me doing it? Boy, maybe the best option is just to wait this out.” After several more moments of intense thought, Tremont reportedly settled on the option of walking around the woman but giving her a warm, courteous nod to acknowledge her presence as he passed.

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