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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Italy, Japan Advance To G8 Finals

ENNISKILLEN, NORTHERN IRELAND—On the heels of eliminating the United Kingdom in their highly anticipated Tuesday afternoon matchup, Italy has joined Japan to become the first two nations in the G8 Finals, sources confirmed. “Italy certainly looked nervy in their opener, but they shook off the rust and managed to bounce back and advance at France’s expense,” said G8 analyst Nicolas Vermijl, adding that the Italians haven’t been to the final round since the 2006 summit in St. Petersburg. “The biggest surprise thus far is undoubtedly Japan, though. Nobody expected them to get this far, but they came in hot and rode that momentum all the way to the final, upsetting clear favorites Russia and last year’s winners, Germany. They could very well go the distance.” Vermijl also noted that the United States had another disappointing showing at the G8, having been knocked out during the group stage for the third year running.

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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