‘It’s Like Biggie And Tupac All Over Again,’ Says Dumbass Of Korean Conflict

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Vol 49 Issue 11

Splash

ABC 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Louie Anderson, and other celebrities compete to see which one has the most mismanaged finances.

Saturday, March 23

There’s no Bloodmobile this week. Still have some left over from last time, matter of fact.

Stupid Ponds, Faggy Rivers

National Geographic 7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. CDT Moody teenage host Grant Brock takes you to a few aquatic locales only a gay idiot would be dumb enough to enjoy.

Nadal Hits Shot Super Low To The Net

INDIAN WELLS, CA—In an interview following his 4-6, 6-4, 7-5 victory over Ernests Gulbis at the BNP Paribas Open, Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal recounted hitting a shot during the second set Thursday that went super low over the net.

GOP Senator Flips On Gay Marriage After Son Comes Out

Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH), a leading conservative who was on Mitt Romney’s shortlist for vice president, announced the reversal of his longstanding position against same-sex marriage, saying he had a change of heart after his son came out to him two y...

NASA Designers Release Flirty New Space Skirt

The word 'innovate' is said over 24 million times at SXSW, NASA designers release a flirty new spaceskirt, and the next episode of 'Girls' to feature Lena Dunham shitting herself during gyno exam while eating a burrito.
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‘It’s Like Biggie And Tupac All Over Again,’ Says Dumbass Of Korean Conflict

CLEVELAND—Following reports of newly heightened tensions between North and South Korea, local imbecile Aaron Weiss, 29, concluded today that the escalating international conflict was highly reminiscent of the rivalry between popular 1990s rap artists Tupac Shakur and Christopher “Notorious B.I.G.” Wallace. “Here we go again; it’s like Bad Boy v. Death Row, Round Two,” said the stupendous dipshit, somehow managing to liken a highly complex geopolitical crisis to a decades-old hip-hop feud between two recording artists. “North Korea is Biggie and South Korea is Tupac. East Coast against West Coast. Simple as that. Let’s just hope it doesn’t end as tragically.” Sources confirmed Weiss is one of the biggest fucking idiots on the planet.

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