‘It’s Real Easy,’ Declares IT Guy About To Speak Incoherently For Next 30 Seconds

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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‘It’s Real Easy,’ Declares IT Guy About To Speak Incoherently For Next 30 Seconds

NASHUA, NH—Assuring a fellow employee at Pierce Advertising that restoring functionality to her work laptop would be “real easy,” the company’s IT technician Gary Wilson proceeded to speak in a virtually incomprehensible blather for the next half minute, sources reported Monday. “It looks like an Ntdll.dll error, so it’s pretty simple: Just select Environment Variables in the Advanced tab of Systems Properties, then rename the NLSPATH system variable to ‘NLSPATHOLD,’” said Wilson while standing over the shoulder of his seated coworker Alison Crawford, whose hopeless confusion and anxiety were only exacerbated by the IT specialist’s unintelligible instructions and repeated references to “the cloud.” “Or you could deactivate your Data Execution Prevention by locating Explorer.exe in your DEP tab’s C:\Windows directory, or disable your UAC through the Control Panel’s User Account Control settings. But then you’ll want to be cautious about which apps you use, got it? Otherwise you’re asking for trouble.” With Crawford still completely at a loss as to where to move her cursor following the directions, Wilson sighed and told her to get up so he could take care of the problem himself before beginning a 30-second string of annoyed and inaudible grumbles under his breath.