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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Jack Harbaugh Admits He's Pulling For Tom Brady To Win Fourth Super Bowl

MEQUON, WI—In anticipation of Sunday’s conference championship games, retired college coach Jack Harbaugh told reporters that he is rooting for Tom Brady to lead the New England Patriots to another Super Bowl victory, saying the veteran quarterback deserves a fourth ring. "Of everyone playing the game right now, Brady ought to to take home the big win, because he's a great guy, a great competitor, and it would be awesome to see him rack up another title while he's still got it," said the former Western Kentucky Hilltoppers head coach, father of three, who pointed to Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons as the only other remaining quarterback who deserves to make the Super Bowl. "It would have been amazing to see another classic Brady-[Peyton] Manning AFC matchup, but now that the Broncos are out, I don't see who's going to stop the Patriots from going all the way. Anyone standing between them and that trophy better watch out." Harbaugh, who went on to praise the Patriots' Bill Belichick as "the best in the league" and "my kind of coach," expressed disappointment that the formidable gridiron tactician wouldn't face much in the way of competition en route to securing yet another championship.

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