Jack Harbaugh Admits He's Pulling For Tom Brady To Win Fourth Super Bowl

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Vol 49 Issue 03

Bowling!

Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!

Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a savage and gruesome turn of events, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly slaughtered a half-dozen dogs adopted from the humane society Friday, sewing together the dismembered body parts to construct a new, horrific tight...

Feces Transplants Help Cure Diarrhea

A new study found that transplanting feces from a healthy person, typically a relative, into the colon of someone suffering diarrhea due to an infection of the Clostridium difficile bacteria proved markedly more effective at curing the ailment than...
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  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

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Jack Harbaugh Admits He's Pulling For Tom Brady To Win Fourth Super Bowl

MEQUON, WI—In anticipation of Sunday’s conference championship games, retired college coach Jack Harbaugh told reporters that he is rooting for Tom Brady to lead the New England Patriots to another Super Bowl victory, saying the veteran quarterback deserves a fourth ring. "Of everyone playing the game right now, Brady ought to to take home the big win, because he's a great guy, a great competitor, and it would be awesome to see him rack up another title while he's still got it," said the former Western Kentucky Hilltoppers head coach, father of three, who pointed to Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons as the only other remaining quarterback who deserves to make the Super Bowl. "It would have been amazing to see another classic Brady-[Peyton] Manning AFC matchup, but now that the Broncos are out, I don't see who's going to stop the Patriots from going all the way. Anyone standing between them and that trophy better watch out." Harbaugh, who went on to praise the Patriots' Bill Belichick as "the best in the league" and "my kind of coach," expressed disappointment that the formidable gridiron tactician wouldn't face much in the way of competition en route to securing yet another championship.

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