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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Jackie Chan's Ancestors Shamed By Blooper Reel

HONG KONG— The shades of the ancestors of action hero Jackie Chan were posthumously disgraced upon seeing a "blooper reel" at the end of Rush Hour 2. "I die a thousand deaths when my dishonorable progeny fails to remember his line," said the ghost of Chan Kim-Yiang, who died fighting against the British occupation of Hong Kong in 1840. "To see him flip off a restaurant table, only to land wrong and bonk his head, brings dishonor to all the Chans who have passed from this world into the realm of wind and ghosts."

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