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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Jacksonville Jags To Go Without A Head Coach For 2012

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that it "doesn't really make a difference," Jacksonville Jaguars officials announced Saturday they plan to play the 2012 season without a head coach. "We took a look at our roster, our support staff, even ourselves as management, and basically determined the difference between having a head coach and not having one to be negligible," said general manager Gene Smith, adding that recent hire Mike Mularkey still hadn't shown up to work yet, and nobody within the Jaguars organization could blame him. "Maybe we'll lose two or three more games, but ultimately our head coach is just going to wind up a scapegoat, and we'd rather not put anybody in that position." Smith concluded the press conference by saying that given its recent history with the position, the team is also assessing whether or not it needs a quarterback this year.

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