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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jacksonville Jaguars Stun NFL By Taking Completely Different Road To Super Bowl

ARLINGTON, TX—Bypassing the traditional route of winning in the playoffs, the 8-8 Jacksonville Jaguars stunned the NFL Monday by exploiting a little-known loophole to qualify for Super Bowl XLV. "Although the Jaguars didn't beat any teams in the postseason, they filled out the paperwork properly, handed in the 350-page application on time, and got the signatures of the necessary CEOs and small-business owners," said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, adding that while the unorthodox route to the Super Bowl has been in place for more than 30 years, teams who consider taking it usually become discouraged by having to write essays on both the Federalist Papers and Thomas Pynchon's V. "So here we are. Steelers, Packers, Jags. All three, very deserving teams." According to Goodell, the Jaguars almost didn't make the Super Bowl, but center Brad Meester was able to prove he had opened up a Roth IRA just before the Jan. 1 deadline.

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