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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Jaded Seismologist Can No Longer Feel Anything Under 7.0 On Richter Scale

SAN FRANCISCO—Numbed by 30-plus years of recording more than 700,000 major and minor earthquakes, seismologist Richard Keefer, 58, told reporters yesterday that earthquakes measuring below 7.0 on the Richter magnitude scale do absolutely nothing for him anymore. "In my younger days, even something as small as a 3.0 would get my blood pumping," said Keefer, adding that once you've felt a 5.5 quake, you've felt them all. "Now I'm lucky if a 6.8 even gets me out of bed." According to Keefer, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, which measured 9.0 on the Richter scale and killed more than 225,000 people, was the last time the seismologist felt alive.
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