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Jaguars Surprised By String Of Prospects Openly Discussing Prior Drug Use, Criminal Activity During Interviews

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Jaguars Surprised By String Of Prospects Openly Discussing Prior Drug Use, Criminal Activity During Interviews

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that the players completely squandered the opportunity to be selected third overall in this year’s NFL Draft, bewildered officials from the Jacksonville Jaguars front office confirmed Friday that a large number of top prospects readily offered to discuss their prior drug use and criminal activity during interviews with the team. “It really only took one or two minutes before most players started openly talking about their troubled pasts and how they would never change,” said Jaguars head coach Gus Bradley, adding that almost every player freely admitted to associating with known gang members, frequently visiting prostitutes, and carrying unlicensed firearms at all times. “One guy told me that even though it’s not publicly known, he was arrested the night before, and another came right out and told me he was currently high. Plus, one of the corners we had at the top of our board immediately told us he’s planning on stabbing someone at a nightclub next week. This was a particularly forthright class.” Jaguars personnel told reporters this was the most eye-opening round of interviews since 2012, when Andrew Luck assured Jacksonville scouts that he would soon be indicted on rape charges.

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