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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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JaMarcus Russell Currently Failing Drug Test

LOS ANGELES—Former Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is currently in a Los Angeles Police Department bathroom failing a drug test, records will confirm Wednesday when the urine sample undergoes its initial toxicology screening. "I don't even know why I'm doing this. I'm totally clean now," Russell said moments ago from behind a closed bathroom-stall door while excreting urea containing high levels of marijuana, OxyContin, cocaine, and methamphetamine. "This is total bullshit, I'm telling you. Ah, shoot! Damn it, my shoes… Hey, man, can you slip me some paper towels? Got a bit of a situation in here." At press time, Russell asked to take the test again after purchasing a bottle of Gatorade he was trying to conceal in his left jacket pocket.

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