adBlockCheck

Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
End Of Section
  • More News

Entertainment

James Cameron Says Future Of Movies Will Be Watching Them Sitting On His Lap

While Cameron says he has yet to work out all the kinks—such as his legs falling asleep mid-movie—he expects every studio release to be viewed on his lap by 2025.
While Cameron says he has yet to work out all the kinks—such as his legs falling asleep mid-movie—he expects every studio release to be viewed on his lap by 2025.

LOS ANGELES—Calling his latest innovation the medium’s most exciting advancement in years, Academy Award–winning film pioneer James Cameron said Friday the future of movies would be watching them while sitting on his lap.

Cameron, the keynote speaker at a film technology conference held at the University of Southern California, delivered a 45-minute presentation to industry experts detailing the state-of-the-art experience of viewing a feature-length motion picture atop his lap, which he said would “revolutionize cinema as we know it.”

“Within the next five to 10 years, nearly every major Hollywood movie will be watched from my lap,” Cameron said following a presentation that featured a 3D rendering of the Titanic director seated in a theater chair with moviegoers of various ages taking turns sitting down on his hips and leaning back against his torso. “It will not just be the most immersive, thrilling, and groundbreaking way to experience the craft of film—it will surely be the most personal.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the future!” Cameron added while patting his upper thigh.

The Hollywood mogul went on to outline a number of the highly specialized features he foresees as part of his lap-based movie experience, including the 59-year-old clinging tightly to viewers during a movie’s most suspenseful scenes, cradling them gently in his arms during emotional moments, and placing a warm blanket over any audience member who falls asleep on him.

According to Cameron, the three upcoming sequels to Avatar will all be filmed to “maximize the experience of sitting on [his] lap,” and will include an audio commentary option that allows him to whisper his perspectives on filmmaking into the viewer’s ear throughout each movie.

“The warmth of my body and my breath against people’s necks will one day be as integral to a movie as its cinematography or sound design,” said Cameron, explaining that his team is also in the process of testing a home-theater system that will allow him to arrive at viewers’ doors holding a bag of popcorn and wearing a comfortable pair of sweatpants. “I think as soon as people watch a favorite like The Wizard Of Oz on my lap, they’ll say to themselves, ‘Wow, that’s how this movie was always meant to be experienced—on Jim Cameron’s lap.’”

So far, Cameron explained, only a handful of test audiences have been able to view movies on his lap, including his wife, his four children, his personal assistant, and producer Harvey Weinstein. Just before the end of his speech, however, the Canadian filmmaker offered to give a few conference attendees a “limited preview” of the experience.

“I tried it out and it was a little weird at first, but after about five minutes or so, I got used to it,” said Sam Heinrichs, one of a dozen participants selected to sit on Cameron’s lap and watch a 20-minute clip from Terminator 2 immediately following the director’s presentation. “James was very accommodating, and he even told me ‘Watch this!’ before all the good parts.”

“His lap was actually pretty comfortable,” Heinrichs added. “I could definitely see myself watching another movie on top of him.”

Industry experts said Cameron’s latest innovation could prove even more popular than Terrence Malick’s attempt to revolutionize the theatrical experience by having audiences sit alone in a completely empty field for weeks on end with no movie playing.

Entertainment Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close