adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

James Fenimore Cooper, Famed American Novelist, Dies At 224

COOPERSTOWN, NY—James Fenimore Cooper, the prolific author of numerous historical romances about the early American frontier whose 1826 novel The Last Of The Mohicans established him as one of the nation’s most popular and enduring writers, died today at age 224 at his home in Cooperstown, NY, family members have confirmed. “We are heartbroken today by the passing of James Fenimore Cooper, a beloved husband, father, and patriot who captivated generations of readers with his sweeping sagas of the frontier experience and abiding love for the American wilderness,” a spokesman for the Cooper family said from the author’s estate where he had lived quietly with his family for the past 162 years. “His legacy will live on in the hearts of his family and the millions of readers around the world who continue to enjoy his work. We thank you all for your support during this difficult time.” Fenimore, whose wife, Susan, passed away in 1851, is survived by more than 170 children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great-grandchildren, great-great-great grandchildren, great-great-great-great grandchildren, and great-great-great-great-great grandchildren, including Bradley Fenimore Cooper, Chris Fenimore Cooper, Anderson Fenimore Cooper, and Alice Fenimore Cooper.

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close