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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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James Harrison In Serious Talks With Steelers About Life, Being A Father

PITTSBURGH—Steelers linebacker James Harrison is participating in prolonged closed-door meetings with team management, including coach Mike Tomlin and team owner Dan Rooney, over the path a man must walk in life, particularly if he is to be a hero to his son. "James is confident in his abilities as a player, but the Steelers must understand that he wants to be the kind of man his son would want to be in turn," Harrison's agent Bill Parise told reporters Tuesday. "It's a deeply complex issue, but I think Mr. Rooney agrees with James in principle about standing up for yourself and just wants him to be a bit more realistic about the nature of masculinity and a man's expectations for his children in an increasingly complex world." Harrison and the Steelers are currently deliberating over a clause in Rudyard Kipling's manhood-advice poem 'If' that would require Harrison and his offspring to "meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same."

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