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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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James Holmes Elected New NRA President

FAIRFAX, VA—Saying that he embodies the organization’s core values and beliefs, members of the National Rifle Association elected Aurora, CO mass shooter James Holmes as their new president Monday, sources confirmed. “Mr. Holmes is not only a powerful symbol and advocate of Second Amendment rights, but he’s also a high-profile gun owner himself,” said NRA member Tyler Paulson, 46, who claimed he could think of no one better to lead the group through its current challenges than the man who shot and killed 12 people in a Colorado movie theater. “The fact is, Mr. Holmes isn’t afraid to stand up for what he believes in. We support James Holmes 100 percent and are excited to see where he decides to lead us going forward.” At press time, Holmes and NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre were spotted laughing with one another and shaking hands during Holmes’ visiting hours.

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