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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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James Magnussen

Swimming — Australia

Weaknesses: Technologically advanced American suits superior to Australian team’s heavy wool; sometimes distracted by coins on the bottom of the pool

Favorite Part Of Swimming: Big fuzzy towels with Olympic logo on them

Number Of Times He’s Said “Congratulations” To Michael Phelps Through Gritted Teeth: 34

Endorsement Deal With Snapple: No, he does not have an endorsement deal with Snapple

Childhood hero: Michael Phelps

NEXT: Sarah Attar

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