adBlockCheck

Recent News

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
End Of Section
  • More News

James Magnussen

Swimming — Australia

Weaknesses: Technologically advanced American suits superior to Australian team’s heavy wool; sometimes distracted by coins on the bottom of the pool

Favorite Part Of Swimming: Big fuzzy towels with Olympic logo on them

Number Of Times He’s Said “Congratulations” To Michael Phelps Through Gritted Teeth: 34

Endorsement Deal With Snapple: No, he does not have an endorsement deal with Snapple

Childhood hero: Michael Phelps

NEXT: Sarah Attar

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close