Jan Ullrich Feels He Can No Longer Trust Anyone With His Bags Of Blood

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 15

Kurt Vonnegut Dead

Kurt Vonnegut, author of The Sirens of Titan and Slaughterhouse-Five, died late Wednesday evening of head injuries sustained in a fall...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Jan Ullrich Feels He Can No Longer Trust Anyone With His Bags Of Blood

BERLIN—Sources close to Tour de France-winning cyclist Jan Ullrich said Monday that the retired champion is beginning to feel that plastic bags of his blood may not be safe in the hands of anyone but himself after Spanish authorities found several of Ullrich's blood bags in the office of an infamous Spanish doping doctor. "Even long after I retire, sacks of my blood are still turning up in the strangest places," Ullrich, the only German to ever win the Tour, reportedly said to business associates. "You think your blood bags are safe with someone, and the next thing you know, aha! There it is in some Madrid refrigerator. Do I trust myself to people too easily, do you think?" Authorities in possession of the blood would not speculate on its origin, but photos posted on the Velo News website seem to show the inscription "To Lance And Sheryl, Best Wishes, Jan XOXO" on the seal of one bag.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More