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Janoris Jenkins Claims He Got Laid During Interception Return

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Janoris Jenkins Claims He Got Laid During Interception Return

DETROIT—Bragging to teammates and coaches on the sidelines, Rams cornerback Janoris Jenkins reportedly boasted on several occasions Sunday that he got laid during a 34-yard interception return against the Detroit Lions. “Right when I picked off the ball in the end zone, I noticed her glancing at me, so I headed up the field, made a couple of moves, and we were fucking like crazy by the 15-yard line,” said Jenkins, who informed the referees the woman was “a total, cock-starved nympho.” “It was pretty hot and heavy. This chick wanted me to bone her in all these weird positions, which is probably why I didn’t get all the way to the end zone.” When pressed by doubtful teammates, Jenkins finally admitted that he had only received a quick halfhearted hand job right as he was tackled.

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