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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jason Campbell Cleared For Light Brain Activity

CLEVELAND—Following the quarterback’s recent concussion against the Steelers, Cleveland Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski told reporters Tuesday that Jason Campbell has been cleared by team doctors to resume light brain activity. “Jason passed all the necessary tests yesterday, so he’s now been given the green light to carry out some very basic cerebral functions,” said Chudzinski, adding that the 31-year-old play caller has already begun sending neural signals to his cardiovascular system to pump blood throughout his body, as well as using his brain stem to subconsciously control the rate of his breathing. “The doctors are quite happy with his ability to regulate his heartbeat, display elementary motor control of his body, and form thoughts, so we’re hoping to have him speaking and using intellectual reasoning by the end of the week. And Jason himself is very eager to get back on the field as soon as possible, at least from what we can gather based on his facial expressions.” At press time, team sources confirmed that Campbell was sitting motionless on the floor of the Browns’ practice facility and quietly drooling on himself.

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