Jason Collins Might Be Just The Frontcourt Presence Team Trying To Boost Media Coverage Needs

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Vol 49 Issue 19

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets.

New to the market!

Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.

Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk

ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and s...

Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Entertainment

Jason Collins Might Be Just The Frontcourt Presence Team Trying To Boost Media Coverage Needs

WASHINGTON—NBA analyst Bruce Bowen reportedly suggested Friday that openly gay free agent center Jason Collins just might be the perfect frontcourt presence for a team needing to instantly boost media coverage. “Jason Collins is a savvy, veteran center who can immediately contribute to increasing a team’s public visibility,” said Bowen, adding that the 34-year-old homosexual basketball player really shines in the middle of press conferences. “Collins would be a great pickup for teams like the Milwaukee Bucks or Sacramento Kings that are lacking a big man who can dominate in the postgame interview.” Bowen acknowledged that signing Collins would be potentially risky, claiming that the move would significantly hurt any team’s depth at center.

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