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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jason Giambi Day-To-Day With Sore Groin, If You Know What He Means

NEW YORK—Jason Giambi will miss the next several games due to soreness in his groin, if you catch the Yankee first baseman's drift, because in recent weeks Giambi has apparently been applying too much pressure to his groin area, if you know what he means—and he thinks you know what he means. "Last night, I was rounding third base, when I felt a sudden stiffness in my groin," Giambi told members of the media while holding his hands approximately two feet from his pelvic region and slowly gyrating his hips in a suggestive fashion. "Something had to be done to reduce the fluid buildup. If you see where I'm going here." Giambi assured reporters, however, that despite overextending his groin last night for two long hours, he would, hell yeah, be able to return to action tonight. He then winked five times.

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