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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Jay Cutler Hoping To Prove Doubters Whatever In Contract Year

BOURBONNAIS, IL—Shrugging his shoulders and scowling, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler told reporters Tuesday that he’s looking forward to proving doubters “completely whatever” in the final year of his contract. “People want to question my future with this team, and that just motivates me to show them meh,” said Cutler, holding his mouth agape for several seconds before continuing. “I know there’s a lot of pressure on me to win, so at the end of the day I just have to go out there and who gives a shit.” Sources confirmed Cutler concluded the press conference by putting on a large winter jacket, silently pouting, and refusing to answer any questions from reporters.

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