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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jay Cutler Proudly Watches Son Throw First Tantrum

CHICAGO—Telling reporters that it marked a joyous occasion for him as a father, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler proudly watched his 1-year-old son throw his first-ever temper tantrum Monday. “Hey, looks like my boy had himself quite the hissy fit, just like his old man,” said Cutler after his son Camden reportedly exploded into a tearful rage in response to dropping a juice box handed to him by a staffer at his daycare, screaming and pounding his fists on the ground for several minutes. “My little guy’s barely even a year old, and he’s already throwing tantrums like his dad does on TV. He even stormed out of the room and sulked afterward. Yep, he’s a regular chip off the old block.” Cutler noted that he further swelled up with pride upon watching his son blame his mistake on the other kids.

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