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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jay Cutler Proves Naysayers Wrong By Defeating Shittiest Team Ever To Make Playoffs

CHICAGO—Silencing once and for all the multitude of critics who said he did not have what it took to be a postseason quarterback, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler led the Bears to the NFC Championship Game last Sunday by defeating the 8-10 Seattle Seahawks, by far the worst team ever to make the playoffs. "I think I've demonstrated what I'm truly capable of when I'm playing to my strengths," said Cutler, who threw for two touchdowns against Seattle's godawful 27th-ranked defense and had a four-game interception streak snapped only because Seahawks safety Jordan Babineaux inexplicably muffed a pass thrown at the goal line. "People got to see my true potential today." Cutler will play his first postseason game against an opponent with a winning record Sunday.

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