Jay Cutler Proves Naysayers Wrong By Defeating Shittiest Team Ever To Make Playoffs

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Vol 47 Issue 03

"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their los...

In Memory Of Susan Merriweather

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion News Network as Today Now's denim correspondent in 2002 and worked her way up to become one of the netwo...
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Jay Cutler Proves Naysayers Wrong By Defeating Shittiest Team Ever To Make Playoffs

CHICAGO—Silencing once and for all the multitude of critics who said he did not have what it took to be a postseason quarterback, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler led the Bears to the NFC Championship Game last Sunday by defeating the 8-10 Seattle Seahawks, by far the worst team ever to make the playoffs. "I think I've demonstrated what I'm truly capable of when I'm playing to my strengths," said Cutler, who threw for two touchdowns against Seattle's godawful 27th-ranked defense and had a four-game interception streak snapped only because Seahawks safety Jordan Babineaux inexplicably muffed a pass thrown at the goal line. "People got to see my true potential today." Cutler will play his first postseason game against an opponent with a winning record Sunday.

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