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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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JazzFest Performer Recognizes Audience From Last Year

INDIANAPOLIS—Twenty minutes into his set at Sunday's JVC JazzFest, jazz guitarist Lee Ritenour recognized the entire audience from last year's event. "There's that one gray-haired guy with the ponytail and the Rippingtons T-shirt," Ritenour said to himself while playing. "And the fat guy who sits on a stack of old issues of Down Beat, just nodding his head. And there's that frizzy-haired lady with the Playboy JazzFest blanket who comes with her son. My, he's grown." After a rousing ovation at the end of his set, Ritenour thanked the crowd and said, "See you all next year."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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