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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Jeb Bush Campaign Kicks Off 3-State Farewell Tour With Iowa Town Hall Meeting

MASON CITY, IA—Having carefully rehearsed their soundbites and readied their bus for one final month on the road, Jeb Bush’s presidential campaign reportedly kicked off a three-state farewell tour with a town hall meeting Monday before a gathered crowd of dozens. “We wanted to show moderate Republicans how much we’ve appreciated all the support we’ve had throughout this election season, so we put together a busy schedule of stump speeches and meet-and-greets to bid our goodbyes,” said Bush campaign manager Danny Diaz, who noted that the candidate would treat audiences to his most popular talking points and attacks on his rivals during the four-week sendoff that will take him to select cities in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. “We just really want to enjoy these final few days together as a campaign and take the opportunity to personally thank the many donors and political strategists who’ve made this whole thing possible. Then, I guess, we’ll all share one final pat on the back, give our endorsement to Marco Rubio, and head our separate ways.” Diaz noted, however, that given Bush’s compromised condition, there was a chance they might have to end the tour early and cancel their final few dates in South Carolina.

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