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Jeb Bush Warns RNC Attendees Of Bad Cialis Going Around Parking Lot

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Jeb Bush Warns RNC Attendees Of Bad Cialis Going Around Parking Lot

TAMPA, FL—According to sources on the floor of the Republican National Convention, former Florida governor Jeb Bush made his way through the crowd Wednesday afternoon to spread the word about a bad batch of Cialis that some guys were trying to sell out in the parking lot. “Don’t waste your money on any of that stuff they’re hawking out there,” said Bush, who reportedly took John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Newt Gingrich aside to emphasize that the pills were “really weak shit.” “You get your hopes up. You think, ‘Wow, $35 Cialis?’ But it’s bunk. If you want the good stuff, you gotta pay for it.” At press time, Bush was again making the rounds to inform everyone the Levitra he had acquired from a guy backstage had turned out to be “absolutely primo.”

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