adBlockCheck

Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jeb Bush Warns RNC Attendees Of Bad Cialis Going Around Parking Lot

TAMPA, FL—According to sources on the floor of the Republican National Convention, former Florida governor Jeb Bush made his way through the crowd Wednesday afternoon to spread the word about a bad batch of Cialis that some guys were trying to sell out in the parking lot. “Don’t waste your money on any of that stuff they’re hawking out there,” said Bush, who reportedly took John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Newt Gingrich aside to emphasize that the pills were “really weak shit.” “You get your hopes up. You think, ‘Wow, $35 Cialis?’ But it’s bunk. If you want the good stuff, you gotta pay for it.” At press time, Bush was again making the rounds to inform everyone the Levitra he had acquired from a guy backstage had turned out to be “absolutely primo.”

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close