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Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad

LOS ANGELES—After enduring years of failed relationships and heartbreak, actress Jennifer Aniston is now engaged to boyfriend Justin Theroux, a man who is not and will never be a true replacement for Brad, representatives for Aniston and Theroux confirmed Monday. "Justin seems like a very nice guy who treats Jen very well, but c'mon, you can't tell me he even holds a candle to Brad,” said Aniston publicist Stephen Huvane, adding that “Justin's fine, but Brad's, like, perfect." "Sure, she's happy, but is she as happy as she'd be if she had just stayed with Brad? Of course not. And you know she knows it." Sources reported, however, that Aniston’s relationship with Theroux is still "way better than anything she ever had with [Counting Crows frontman] Adam [Duritz]."

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