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Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Jennifer Aniston Engaged To Guy Who Frankly Will Never Replace Brad

LOS ANGELES—After enduring years of failed relationships and heartbreak, actress Jennifer Aniston is now engaged to boyfriend Justin Theroux, a man who is not and will never be a true replacement for Brad, representatives for Aniston and Theroux confirmed Monday. "Justin seems like a very nice guy who treats Jen very well, but c'mon, you can't tell me he even holds a candle to Brad,” said Aniston publicist Stephen Huvane, adding that “Justin's fine, but Brad's, like, perfect." "Sure, she's happy, but is she as happy as she'd be if she had just stayed with Brad? Of course not. And you know she knows it." Sources reported, however, that Aniston’s relationship with Theroux is still "way better than anything she ever had with [Counting Crows frontman] Adam [Duritz]."

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