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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Jenny Sanford: 'I'm Loving These Lax Gun Purchasing Laws'

SULLIVAN’S ISLAND, SC—Hours after former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford won back his old congressional seat Tuesday, the philandering politician’s ex-wife, Jenny Sanford, told reporters that she couldn’t express enough support for the state’s lenient gun purchasing laws. “It’s just really great to know that in South Carolina, as long as you have a state ID and as little as $50, you can have a loaded, lethal weapon in your hand, cocked and ready to go in minutes,” said the state’s former first lady, whose highly publicized divorce from her husband—who is now engaged to the mistress he secretly visited in 2009 with the use of misappropriated state funds—was finalized in March 2010. “There are no concealment laws, and I don’t even have to worry about getting the gun registered. Perfect.” Reporters say Sanford abruptly concluded the interview, saying, “Well, I have to go now.”

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