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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Jeopardy! Viewer Had No Idea He Knew So Much About Weasels

MILTON, MA—Longtime Jeopardy! fan Brian Kalorcz surprised himself Tuesday when a category on the popular game show revealed that his brain housed an unsuspected wealth of weasel-related knowledge.

"What is the Mustelidae family? What are mink, polecats, and ferrets?" Kalorcz recited from his couch, his expression changing from mild bemusement to genuine alarm as he effortlessly responded to weasel-related statements made by host Alex Trebek's on-screen image. "Who is Pauly Shore? Christ, where the hell is this all coming from?"

Kalorcz admitted that he was unsure whether to be relieved or upset that he did not know the Daily Double clue concerning the 1970 Mothers of Invention album Weasels Ripped My Flesh.

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