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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Jeopardy! Viewer Had No Idea He Knew So Much About Weasels

MILTON, MA—Longtime Jeopardy! fan Brian Kalorcz surprised himself Tuesday when a category on the popular game show revealed that his brain housed an unsuspected wealth of weasel-related knowledge.

"What is the Mustelidae family? What are mink, polecats, and ferrets?" Kalorcz recited from his couch, his expression changing from mild bemusement to genuine alarm as he effortlessly responded to weasel-related statements made by host Alex Trebek's on-screen image. "Who is Pauly Shore? Christ, where the hell is this all coming from?"

Kalorcz admitted that he was unsure whether to be relieved or upset that he did not know the Daily Double clue concerning the 1970 Mothers of Invention album Weasels Ripped My Flesh.

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