adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jeremy Lin's Departure Teaches Knicks Fans Important Lesson About Getting Excited By The Knicks

NEW YORK—Following the Knicks' decision Tuesday not to match the Houston Rockets' three-year, $25-million offer for point guard Jeremy Lin, depressed New York fans learned a valuable lesson about ever feeling even the slightest bit of excitement for their team. "Goddammit," longtime fan Erik Reid, 52, said upon hearing the Knicks had opted to acquire Raymond Felton from Portland in lieu of re-signing Lin, the team's sole bright spot in an otherwise forgettable 2011-2012 season. "I guess it makes sense when you think about the Ewing-Riley team of the '90s, the entire Isiah Thomas era, spending $100 million on Amar'e Stoudemire, LeBron James choosing Miami over New York, and basically every single management decision under James Dolan. Christ, I really should know better by now." As of press time, Reid had spent several minutes staring wistfully at his Knicks season ticket-renewal form before begrudgingly filling it out and putting it in the mail.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close