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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Jerry Buss Surprisingly Leaves Entire Estate To Former Laker Luke Walton

LOS ANGELES—In an unexpected turn of events, sources confirmed Saturday that billionaire Jerry Buss, the widely beloved owner of the Los Angeles Lakers who passed away at the age of 80 last week, has left his entire fortune to the team’s former small forward Luke Walton. “My dear Luke: I leave you everything I have, as you are the sole benefactor of my estate,” read a portion of Buss’ will obtained by reporters, which specified that Walton would inherit over $1.6 billion in money and assets, including ownership of the Lakers, from the late real estate mogul. “You were like a son to me, so I want to ensure that you’re always taken care of and never have to worry about money again. Trading you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life, but I just hope you know how much I always cared about you.” At press time, an emotional Walton was reportedly able to finally quit his low-paying and demeaning job as a bench player on the Cleveland Cavaliers.

UPDATE: Walton has fired the entire Lakers front office, replaced head coach Mike D’Antoni with Phil Jackson, and cut Dwight Howard.

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