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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jerry Jones Not Ruling Out Someday Trading Way Too Much For Johnny Manziel

IRVING, TX—After surprisingly passing on the opportunity to pick quarterback Johnny Manziel during last week’s NFL Draft, Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones told reporters Thursday he has not ruled out eventually trading away far too much to acquire the former Texas A&M star. “Make no mistake, we may have passed on Johnny in the draft, but I’m still leaving the door open to impulsively trade away our future first- and second-round picks for him if we don’t make the playoffs next season,” said Jones, adding that firing head coach Jason Garrett in a moment of pure panic before buying out the remainder of Tony Romo’s recent $108 million contract extension is not entirely off the table either. “Even tossing in a linchpin veteran player to sweeten the deal while bringing on a brand-new coach who will be permanently attached at the hip to Manziel is well within the realm of possibility for us. Johnny could very well be the starting quarterback of a completely gutted Dallas Cowboys team in the future.” Jones also confirmed that he would be equally open to someday cutting Manziel after poor showings in his first four games as a Cowboy.

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