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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Jerry Jones Not Ruling Out Someday Trading Way Too Much For Johnny Manziel

IRVING, TX—After surprisingly passing on the opportunity to pick quarterback Johnny Manziel during last week’s NFL Draft, Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones told reporters Thursday he has not ruled out eventually trading away far too much to acquire the former Texas A&M star. “Make no mistake, we may have passed on Johnny in the draft, but I’m still leaving the door open to impulsively trade away our future first- and second-round picks for him if we don’t make the playoffs next season,” said Jones, adding that firing head coach Jason Garrett in a moment of pure panic before buying out the remainder of Tony Romo’s recent $108 million contract extension is not entirely off the table either. “Even tossing in a linchpin veteran player to sweeten the deal while bringing on a brand-new coach who will be permanently attached at the hip to Manziel is well within the realm of possibility for us. Johnny could very well be the starting quarterback of a completely gutted Dallas Cowboys team in the future.” Jones also confirmed that he would be equally open to someday cutting Manziel after poor showings in his first four games as a Cowboy.

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