adBlockCheck

Sports

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Jerry Jones Probably Thinking About Signing Michael Vick

DALLAS—Dallas head coach Wade Phillips speculated Wednesday that if recent history is any indicator, Jerry Jones is "almost certainly" considering the option of signing former Falcons quarterback and current incarcerated felon Michael Vick to the Cowboys. "Mike Vick is a guy who not only holds the same values as Jerry, but epitomizes what the Cowboys mean to the NFL," Phillips said. "Jerry has set up our program so that any thug, gangster, or hooligan can immediately make a contribution, not just to this team, but to this community. And while Jerry doesn't put much emphasis on criminal records and statistics, I know that he's always been impressed with what Vick has achieved." Jones was unavailable for comment as he was conducting contract negotiations with an expert in discreetly overriding ankle monitors.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close