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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Jerry Jones Unveils Plans For Extravagant 100,000-Seat Cowboys Owner’s Box

ARLINGTON, TX—Boasting that it will provide the most extraordinary game-day atmosphere ever conceived, Jerry Jones officially unveiled plans Friday for an extravagant new 100,000-seat Dallas Cowboys owner’s box. “Beginning in 2019, friends and family of the Cowboys ownership will be able to enjoy all the action from the comfort of our state-of-the-art, 3-million-square-foot owner’s box,” said Jones, adding that a 250-foot-wide LCD Jumbotron will hang in the center of the luxury suite, which is also expected to accommodate indoor fireworks shows and live musical performances during halftime. “With perfect sight lines and extra-wide aisles throughout each of its 60 sections, our owner’s box will offer a viewing experience unparalleled by that of any other stadium suite in the world. Plus, with 30 concession stands, five sports bars, and a full-service Johnny Rockets, guests of the ownership will never go hungry on Sunday. I am excited to deliver an owner’s box that truly reflects the pride and spirit of the Dallas Cowboys.” Jones went on to say that the current owner’s box will be preserved and placed on display inside the new suite’s Cowboys History Museum.

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