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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
End Of Section
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Jerry Jones Wanders Up And Down Field During Game

DALLAS—Claiming he wanted to “go get himself” a closer look at the action, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wandered out onto the field during his team’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles Sunday, joining huddles, advising players, and berating officials.

“We’ve gotten pretty used to Jerry always being around during team meetings or postgame showers,” said quarterback Tony Romo, who twice was helped up off the ground by a congratulatory Jones. “But I have to say, having him stand next to me, talking my ear off, when I was back in the shotgun waiting for the snap was definitely a new one.”

“It’s his team, though,” Romo added. “He can do what he wants.”

Team sources confirmed that Jones first left the owner’s box and sauntered out into the field of play in the second quarter, brashly shouting encouragements during a Cowboys possession that made its way into the red zone. Jones then reportedly became increasingly involved in the course of play, pointing out potential blitzers, calling an audible for the Cowboys’ offense, and discussing a contract extension with running back DeMarco Murray during a three-yard rush up the middle.

“None of us really knew how to respond, but he was being really annoying,” rookie Cowboys defensive back Morris Claiborne said. “He kept trying to show me the ‘correct’ way to bump receivers and was constantly telling guys on defense to fake injuries when he needed a rest.”

“Plus, it was super disgusting hearing him talk about which cheerleaders he was planning to fuck,” Claiborne added.

Dallas head coach Jason Garrett, who let Jones wear the headset and call plays into the offense in the fourth quarter, said after the game that episodes like Sunday are just a part of coaching for the Cowboys.

“Honestly, compared to some of our practices, this game wasn’t that big of a deal,” Garrett said. “Jerry likes to line up at wideout during practice, and we kind of have to let him catch a few easy ones before he gets bored and we move on. So him wandering around, patting guys on the butt, maybe stopping a play or two by getting in the way, it’s not that big a deal.”

Jones, who appeared giddy but physically exhausted after spending three quarters on the field of play, downplayed his involvement in Sunday’s contest during postgame interviews, instead saying he was proud of his team. When pressed about the disruptions, Jones asked what was wrong with an owner wanting to support his team.

At press time, the NFL fined Jerry Jones $40,000 for a vicious blindside block on Eagles cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha.

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