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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Jerry Sandusky Hoping Judge Takes It Easy On Him With Sentencing

BELLEFONTE, PA—Jerry Sandusky’s lawyers told reporters Tuesday that the former Penn State assistant football coach is desperately hoping the judge “has a heart” and will take it easy on him while delivering his sentence for 45 counts of child sexual abuse. “This is a first-time offender who has always been active in the community and has shown great behavior during this whole trial,” said defense attorney Joe Amendola, adding that Sandusky hopes to be released after serving a couple years so he can get back to his wife, his children, and “all his young friends whom he misses very much.” “We’re talking about a man who founded an entire foundation for at-risk youths out of the goodness of his heart. This is a good man, and I don’t think anybody would argue that he doesn’t deserve a little mercy.” Regardless of the outcome, the defense reportedly intends to file an appeal after sentencing on the grounds that it was far too difficult to prove Sandusky’s innocence given the timing of the trial and their client admitting to being attracted to children on national television.

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