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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Jerry Sandusky Horrified By Behavior Of Rutgers Basketball Coach

WAYNESBURG, PA—Calling the conduct “shocking and disgraceful,” former Penn State football coach and convicted serial child molester Jerry Sandusky expressed his outrage Tuesday over the actions of now-fired Rutgers men’s basketball coach Mike Rice. “I have to say, that kind of behavior is totally unacceptable, especially from someone who is supposed to be teaching and nurturing young athletes, for God’s sake,” said Sandusky, who called the recently leaked video of Rice kicking, pushing, and screaming gay slurs at his players during practice “absolutely sickening.” “He had a responsibility to these boys, and what he did was not only completely inappropriate, but also, to be perfectly frank, downright disgusting. How a guy like that, with the mental problems he has, was ever allowed to be around these kids in the first place is totally beyond me. Unbelievable.” In addition to his harsh criticism of Rice, Sandusky also blasted Rutgers athletic director Tim Pernetti and university president Robert Barchi for not immediately firing the coach after the video was first brought to their attention last year.

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