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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Jerry Sandusky Horrified By Behavior Of Rutgers Basketball Coach

WAYNESBURG, PA—Calling the conduct “shocking and disgraceful,” former Penn State football coach and convicted serial child molester Jerry Sandusky expressed his outrage Tuesday over the actions of now-fired Rutgers men’s basketball coach Mike Rice. “I have to say, that kind of behavior is totally unacceptable, especially from someone who is supposed to be teaching and nurturing young athletes, for God’s sake,” said Sandusky, who called the recently leaked video of Rice kicking, pushing, and screaming gay slurs at his players during practice “absolutely sickening.” “He had a responsibility to these boys, and what he did was not only completely inappropriate, but also, to be perfectly frank, downright disgusting. How a guy like that, with the mental problems he has, was ever allowed to be around these kids in the first place is totally beyond me. Unbelievable.” In addition to his harsh criticism of Rice, Sandusky also blasted Rutgers athletic director Tim Pernetti and university president Robert Barchi for not immediately firing the coach after the video was first brought to their attention last year.

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