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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Jerry Sandusky Somehow Coaching Little League World Series Team

SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Shocking many parents, coaches, and spectators across the nation, former Penn State defensive coordinator and convicted serial child molester Jerry Sandusky was inexplicably witnessed coaching the Little League World Series team from Fairfield, CT this past week. "I could have sworn he was in jail, but there's no doubt about it, that's Jerry Sandusky coaching my kid from the dugout," parent Henry Billings told reporters, not only questioning why the sexual deviant was coaching, but also how the former football coach could know enough about baseball to manage the team into the championship series. "I'm a little worried, sure, but he definitely seems to have a great rapport with the kids. Most everybody except for the Hopkins boy seems to be having fun." This latest report is not the first account of Jerry Sandusky coaching a team of minors, as only last month the parents of a 10-year-old AYSO soccer player in Virginia claimed to have witnessed Coach Sandusky tickling their son's team on the sidelines as they ate oranges at halftime.

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