Jessica Simpson Reveals Slimmer Figure After Chopping Off Limbs

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Vol 48 Issue 47

Just A Gray TV Screen

Just A Gray TV Screen (PBS) 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The highly anticipated American debut adapted from the British hit Just A Grey Telly Screen.

Cash Cab

Discovery 5 p.m. EST/4 p.m. CST A passenger in a deepening state of anaphylactic shock is unable to answer the three trivia questions posed to him and is consequently kicked out of the taxi eight blocks shy of Beth Israel’s emergency room.

Not A Shithole

It’s not a shithole. Sure, it could use some work, the plumbing’s not great, and there might be a foundation issue, but come on, a shithole? Why does everyone keep saying that?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Jessica Simpson Reveals Slimmer Figure After Chopping Off Limbs

LOS ANGELES—Silencing gossip in the media about her weight, singer and actress Jessica Simpson wowed crowds this weekend when she stepped out in Beverly Hills with a trim new figure, flaunting her slender frame for the first time since chopping off all her limbs in October. “Gurl srsly looks ah-mazing!” Hollywood blogger Perez Hilton wrote under photographs of the starlet being wheeled into a shoe store, reportedly a whole 80 pounds lighter than she was last month. “Paps snapped our girl de-stressing with some retail therapy, and mama is looking fabulous with her slimmed-down frame! We are so proud of you, Jess!” When reached for comment, Simpson said the process of taking off the weight was “easy, fun, and the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.”

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